Abusive relationships come in different forms. Some could be physical, emotional, or verbal. The bottom line is that they hurt regardless of what they are. A lot of people continue staying in an abusive relationship because they don’t know where to move on from to. They can’t answer the question “what next?” The fear of starting over cripples a lot of people from moving on even when they are unhappy.
Abusive relationships do a lot of damage to the average person. It doesn’t just affect you physically but can make you have trust issues. It can make it very difficult to move on. Rebuilding and starting afresh can be very scary but in order to achieve your full potential, some things are to be dropped and others are to be picked up.
If you love a person and they abuse you, there always is a point of reconciliation which makes you think they would get better. Makes you feel that it won’t happen again. If they apologize then they must truly want to be better for you right? Wrong. Stages of abuse always end with reconciliation and that’s why it usually starts again. “He apologized. He’s working on himself”
It’s one thing to feel this way and it’s another thing to make a conscious effort to trash that thought. Abusive relationships aren’t usually just with a romantic partner. It can happen with someone you love, someone you work for or work with, or your friends and family.
What happens when you finally have the courage to leave? You are faced with the harsh realities of depression, anxiety, fear, and all the PTSD you can possibly fathom. Leaving a romantic relationship is hard but being in it is harder and for no reason at all. The healing process could be a roller coaster but it’s not an impossible task.
No matter what your experience is if matters. You need to heal and move on. Pick up your life from where you left off. No matter how much has been taken away from you in an abusive relationship, you can rebuild even better than before.
Emotional abuse is one of the less talked about abuse in the world today. People tend to think “as long as he’s not hitting me, it’s ok right?” “As long as she wouldn’t physically hurt me, that’s fine. I’m just overreacting” but you aren’t. Moving on from an emotionally abusive relationship is just as hard.
Here are 3 important tips that can help you after an emotionally abusive relationship
Understand Things Take Time
If you’re just getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship, don’t be hard on yourself. It’s almost impossible to be completely okay in a couple of days, weeks, or months. Healing is different for each individual and understanding that is the first step. Understand with time, things grow, things die and most importantly, people move on.
Maybe you couldn’t go to certain places because your partner said so or do certain things or hang out with your friends and family. You’ve been told for so long where to go, what to wear, who to see etc that you are so scared of thinking for yourself. If you’re experiencing this, it’s completely normal.
You have to understand that you own your life and no one else. You can start slowly by doing those things you’ve been kept from doing for so long and destroying that fear. It might be hard at first but with time, you’ll be able to go back to your life before an abusive relationship.
Take Back Your Life
Wear that dress you weren’t allowed to wear, go to the club, visit your family, get a hobby, rewrite your own story. When you leave an abuser, especially one who dictates everything you do in life, it could be very difficult to start afresh. You wake up in the morning without hearing their nagging voices or without the fear in the room of what they might say or do next. You seem lost like you’re standing in the middle of nowhere with no one to show you a direction.
Here’s how it works, you’re given a roster and every day there’s a plan. You’re being told by the piece of paper where you should go and what you should eat. Eventually, that paper gets destroyed in a fire. Now you have nothing to guide you. You’ve spent your whole life living by different rosters it’s impossible to think for yourself. That’s what happens when you leave an emotionally abusive relationship but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Pick up a piece of paper and create your own roster. Draw out your own plans, keep a journal. Engage in activities you actually enjoy and not one that has been imposed on you. You might feel lost at first but everyone does. Making conscious efforts to move on is where your healing takes place.
Forgive Yourself and Move On
The crazy thing about abusive relationships is that they make you feel like you’re the problem. “Maybe if I wasn’t this way, he wouldn’t be this way” “maybe if I had done this, she wouldn’t have done that”. It’s all in your head and you’re a victim. Forgive yourself for the things you’ve put yourself through. The ones you had power over and the ones you didn’t.
Healing is a tricky process. One minute you’re fine and the next minute you think you’re back to square one. But that’s completely normal. Again this is where making a conscious effort comes in. Allow yourself to cry, feel the pain, and stay in bed all day. But remember to clean your tears, pick yourself up, and make a plan for yourself.
Note To Self;
You own your life, you decide what goes and what stays. You’ve had an experience with emotional abuse so you can detect it from a mile away. Don’t let it put a stop on your love life. Ahold? Maybe, till you’re healed enough to try dating and relationships again. Don’t let your past define your future. It’s there to teach you but not break you. Own it and you’ll be just fine. I’m rooting for you.