Aleruchi Kinika
Hello, I'm Aleruchi. A blogger and co-founder of, I focus on helping readers learn the littlest and most important things in various parts of their lives such as lifestyle and relationships. I do it the most creative and understandable ways possible. Also a free-spirit with a passion for reading, writing, learning and photography.

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You’re probably wondering “why can’t I find love?” ”is something wrong with me?” ”am I unattractive” etc. All this and many more can leave you in bed, late at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering why you can’t find love. There are so many factors that can lead to that but most times it’s just you holding yourself back.

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. Love in its entirety can be very beautiful and everyone wants a piece of that. Irrespective of what people tell you, everyone wouldn’t mind being loved by one person. It makes things a lot easier.

Relationship and love are not the same things. You can be in a loveless relationship or be in love with someone you can’t have. That’s the tragedy but it should completely define your love life. You’re not giving yourself a chance at happiness if you let it. So why can’t you find love? It’s very simple.

1. You are afraid of getting hurt

Especially if you’ve been in a relationship before and it ended terribly. It can also be because you’ve heard or seen stories where it ended in tears. But that’s because bad news travels a lot faster than good. I’ve had someone say to me:

”I feel love is a waste of time if I’m going to be hurt anyway. However, I’d really like to be in love. It seems so beautiful and something I hope to be part of. But I guess I’m so scared”.

This is completely understandable. Because when relationships come to an end, they can be pretty devastating. But how sure are you that yours would be that way?. You have to give way for the feelings. Love, hurt, etc. it’s what make us human.

And if you really want to find love, you should be able to take that chance.

2. You’re not putting yourself out there

I’ve come across people from various walks of life and they say they want to find love. It’s what they yearn for and what would make them happy. However, they do not put themselves out there. You can’t and won’t find love from the comfort of your bed and that’s a reality.

Except of course you’re thinking of online dating and all but you still have to put yourself out there. The more you do, the chances you have of meeting various people till you find the one that clicks. Now have some class doing that. You don’t want your desire for affection lead to disrespecting yourself.

Maybe the reason you can’t find love is that no one is even seeing you enough to fall in or out of love with you. Address that.

3. You feel unworthy of love

Low self-esteem can be one of the reasons you can’t seem to find love. Maybe you’ve found it but you were too busy thinking of how undeserving you are and missed it. And when you realized this, it was already too late.

Love is a complicated thing. It doesn’t and never works one way. Love and relationships help some people love themselves better. Meanwhile, for some other people, it’s difficult because they don’t love themselves enough. The bottom line is that love doesn’t leave you wondering what and who you are. It sometimes makes it a lot clearer.

You can find ways to boost your self-esteem and watch yourself be more open to finding love.

4. You’re too picky, therefore making it difficult to find love.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting standards but you’re taking it the wrong way. Your dream man or woman may just exist in your fantasy. Do you know the longer you remain single, the harder it is to recognize love or settle for a relationship?. The truth is that it doesn’t get better with time.

Holding on to your dream man fantasy may be stopping you from finding happiness. Sit down and think carefully about what your ideal man is and things you can settle for with things that are a complete deal-breaker for you.

Maybe that guy who makes 6 figures with abs may not be the one for you. That lady with the “perfect body” might not be the one to give you true happiness. This is a reason you go after people who don’t want you.

5. You need to work on yourself to find love

Yes, that’s absolutely correct. In order to find love, you must make yourself lovable. You also have to respect yourself as a person. Refuse to settle for mediocrity just because you “need” love. Don’t settle for an abuser, that’s not real love. Don’t settle for people who won’t let you grow. Who agree with everything that comes out of your mouth or actions. Those are enablers.

If you can’t find yourself on your own, you’ll spend all your time seeking validation from people who don’t deserve it.


As you can see, the problem isn’t from your village people. You might have just been your village people all along. So why not get out there and get a story to tell?. Let us know in the comments other factors you feel are preventing you from finding love.

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The Real Reasons You Can’t Find Love

9ja Village!
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